Critique 11/25

ARTICLE CRITIQUE/Caleb Waldron 1

ARTICLE FALLS SHORT

By Caleb Waldron

The following is a critique of the November 25^th New York Times piece “As Democrats See Security Gains in Iraq, Tone Shifts,” which is accessible via the link:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/25/us/politics/25dems.html?_r=1&ref=todayspaper&oref=slogin

My impression of this piece is that it tries to get too much information to the reader at a time, starting with the title. The title’s attempts to reflect both the potential security gains in Iraq for Democratic candidates and the shift in Democrats’ tone at the same time makes the phrase seem awkward.

In the coming paragraphs, the piece attempts to address these issues at the same time. This makes the reader feel like they’re hopping from one storyline to the next. There’s no sense of flow or natural progression, only an anxious scattershot of information. The following sentence is a suitable example: “if security continues to improve, President Bush could become less of a drag on his party, too, and Republicans may have an easier time zeroing in on other issues, such as how the Democrats have proposed raising taxes in difficult economic times.” This reads like an anxious leapfrog, manically hopping from one Lilly-pad of an idea to the next.

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Article Critique for November 18

The following is a critique of the November 18^th New York Times Article “A Guerilla Video Site Meets MTV,” which is accessible via the following link:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/19/business/media/19vice.html?hp

I find this article to have the structure and tone of a casual conversation.

Structurally, the story follows the rise in popularity of Vice magazine according to chronological sequence. There are no erratic jumps from one topic to the next that leave the convey a feeling of disorganization or lack of professionalism.

Stylistically, however, this story conveys the feeling of a casual conversation. The following excerpts are especially glaring examples:

1) “Vice did some work…” This description doesn’t provide information in regards to when this action occurred.

2) “Vice was started in Montreal in 1994…” This description personifies a corporate entity and doesn’t give specific evidence that supports Vice’s surprise.

3) “So the magazine started to cover more serious issues.” The word “so” at the beginning of this sentence creates an off-hand tone, in which separate sentences are blurred together more than most newspaper pieces.

4) “The deal with MTV gives Vice the resources to apply its D.I.Y. approach in a new medium, and it has enlisted Spike Jonze, the film director, as VBS creative director.” The large number of clauses in this enormous compound sentence draws the reader on through the sentence, which more emulates a conversation rather than conveys brief clips of information.

5) “There are no lights or makeup.” -This sentence doesn’t explicitly explain the situation in which there are no lights or makeup. While that piece of information was detailed earlier in the piece, the abrupt sentence is still irregular for its dependence on a larger context of the piece to be understood.

While this style of writing doesn’t detract from the general idea of the story, it does create a relaxed and slapdash tone.

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Article Critique 9/9

ARTICLE CRITIQUE/Caleb Waldron 1

ARTICLE FALLS SHORT OF EXPECTATIONS

By Caleb Waldron

The following is a critique of the November 9, 2007 New York Times article “Thousands of Police Block Pakistan Rally,” accessible through the link http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/10/world/asia/10pakistan.html?pagewanted=2&_r=1&hp

I find that while this article does relay the facts and implications of political turmoil in Pakistan, its contradictions, lack of sourcing, inclarity, and poor grammar detract from the story as a whole.

While the story’s lede does accurately capture the rising tension between the Palestinian government and opposition leader Benazir Bhutto, it doesn’t touch upon the situation’s implications or context. The reader is presented with cold facts, but not with a motivation to discover their signifigance.

The article also houses an apparent contradiction. While the article’s fourth paragraph on the second page mentions that Bhutto’s house arrest may be a face saving gesture for the government, the work’s last paragraph states that the situation poses problems for the government. These statements are especially conflicting due to a lack of sourcing or supporting evidence to their validity. The writer merely sources the analysis to “analysts” instead of providing their name or rank.

This article’s grammar is also of poor quality. The writer begins the seventh paragraph of the second page with the a conjunction, fails to place end quotation marks on the first paragraph of the second page, and awkwardly slaps together four seperte clauses in the tenth paragraph of the first page. This crates an impression of sloppy and disorganized writing.

Overall, this is a poorly written journalistic piece.

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Revision of In-Class Crime Story

FIRE/Caleb Waldron 1

SUSPECTED ARSON KILLS CHILD

By Caleb Waldron

KALAMAZOO, Mich. - A suspected act of arson killed a child and destroyed a duplex early this morning, said officials.

According to Deputy Chief of the Kalamazoo Fire Department Patricia Clarkson, the fire occurred at 1275 Monroe St. at 2 a.m. and was called in at 2:10 am. Fire detectors were not up to code. All 10 of the confirmed tenants escaped the building on their own accord, except for Tiffany Blanchard, age 3, and her brothers Tory, age 5, and Terry, age 6 who were rescued by firefighters and brought to Bronson Memorial Hospital at 3:12 am. According to a spokesperson of Bronson Memorial Hospital, Tiffany died of smoke inhalation at 3:57 am. Tory and Terry were released at 10 am after treatment for minor injuries to their mother Marie Blanchard, 32, of Kalamazoo, Mich.

Marie Blanchard, tenant and mother of the three evacuated children, is believed to be the target of the suspected arson. Accelerants were detected by trained dogs of the fire department, and according to lieutenant Regina Sentarpio of the Kalamazoo Police Department, witnesses say they saw a juvenile holding a canister near the premises prior to the fire.

Vincent DeNofrio, 33, of Mattawan, Mich., and a 16-year-old a juvenile has been arrested in connection to the suspected arson. DeNofrio is suspected to be the estranged boyfriend of Blanchard. “What I can tell you, without hesitation, is that there is a nexus
between Ms. Blanchard, Mr. DeNofrio, the juvenile, and the fire,” said Santarpio. The suspects are scheduled to be arraigned tomorrow at 10 am.

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Article Critique 11/3/07

CRITIQUE/Caleb Waldron 1

GUANTANAMO ARTICLE FAILS TO CONTEXTUALIZE

By Caleb Waldron

The following is a critique of the "New York Times" article " New Detainee Rights Weighed in Plans to Close Guantanamo," accessible through the link:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/04/us/nationalspecial3/04gitmo.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&hp

This piece does an excellent job of relaying the immediate information surrounding the legal conflicts of Guantanamo detainees prisoners. The lede accurately portrays the issue in general, and each of the following paragraphs offers information with a progressively narrowed focus. And while the reader’s presented with a very focused topic, the information is presented in such a way that the reader isn’t overwhelmed. Unfortunately, the piece doesn’t offer a sense of context as to what motivations are behind the issue of Guantanamo detainees. While the reader knows that the U.S. government faces legal troubles for its actions, the reader isn’t told why Guantanamo Bay is considered controversial. While this information is relatively well-known, the reader is still disconnected from the motivations behind the central conflict of this piece, and therefore disconnected from the importance of the affair.

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